It Wouldn't Happen to Me

Since finding out that Ransom and I are expecting a little girl come September, I've been reading all the pregnancy books that I can get my hands on. I like being able to know what to expect, what's normal, what isn't normal, what's bizarre, what's "oh yeah, me too." I hate going into things not knowing what to expect. 

"No matter how many books you read, 

it can't replace experience."

Pregnancy is one of the worst because no matter how many books you read, it can't replace experience. I read about the "morning sickness" (whoever named it that was a moron), but until I experienced it myself I really didn't understand. I read about what it feels like to feel your baby move, but experiencing it myself is a totally different story. I read about what it feels like to give birth, but until I experience it I can't really understand. It doesn't help that every pregnancy is different either. 

While reading my different books such as "What to Expect When Your Expecting", "Baby Laughs", "Pregnancy Sucks", "The Official Lamaze Guide", etc., I would read everything. I want a basic knowledge of good things, bad things, tests, appointments, and so on. After I had read it, I would go back and read specifically for where I am at in my pregnancy (22 weeks right now!). 

Almost always I'd find myself skipping the parts (when re-reading it) where it talked about problems that might arise. I wouldn't need to know that stuff because my pregnancy would be low risk without any medical complications. I'd give birth naturally, without any medicine, refuse to be hooked up to an iv and monitor, eat and drink as I please, move about as I felt led, keep my baby with me until I chose for her to be taken, and anything else I wanted. I'd have a smooth, uneventful pregnancy and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

"I'd have a smooth, uneventful pregnancy 

 and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl."

The next thing I know I'm sitting across from a specialist who is using words and phrases like high risk pregnancy, less than three percentile, preeclampsia, low fluid, and under-developed lungs. This couldn't be happening. This stuff happens to other people, not to me. My pregnancy has gone perfect so far. I couldn't complain a bit. But all of the sudden images of having a c-section and my premature baby girl being quickly taken away to be hooked up to monitors that would keep her alive, give her breath, flashed through my minds eye. Hours, days, months spent in the hospital until she could live on her own. All of the sudden, I felt like everything was out of my control. 

Because it was. It is. It was actually never in my control to begin with. I am only a carrier. God gives life. God takes life away. He is in control. God is forming my little 1 pound baby girl in my womb, and He knows what she needs more than I could ever know. He knows His plan for her life, whether short or long. He is not surprised by this information, nor is He unprepared. He knows. He will take care of her, even if I don't understand that care. 

As the mother of my baby, I care for her. I would do almost anything for her. I want the best for her. If I, even as human and corrupt as I am, want good things for my baby, how much more does God want for her? More than we could ever imagine! 

Right now the future is unclear. I don't know how this will all turn out. I pray when I go back for my appointment the doctor will tell me everything is great, that my fluid levels are normal. But if he doesn't, I know that God holds my future and the future of my baby girl. Does that make it easy? Certainly not. I'm still human and sinful. Am I still concerned or scared? Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that God is on His throne working out all things "together for good", even if it's not my version of good. 

"God is still on His throne working out all things for good, 

even if it's not my version of good." 

As I sit here typing this, I can feel my baby kicking away. She is very active! I cannot wait to meet her and get to know her. I still have to wait until the appointed time, but Someone already knows her. Before she was ever formed, God knew her. He knows her. He's taking care of her, whether that be in me, on this earth, or in His arms.